Zuko's I am not gay journal
by tenderflowers
Summary: Zuko has a journal. He writes his adventures in it. But it got screwed around by Momo recently so the entries might be out of order. It's called "Zuko’s secret-private-do-not-read-I-am-not-gay journal. Keep out or else."


I dunno. I thought it'd be fun to write something really strange, awkward, and funny for once. I don't know how long this will stretch out but it's shorter. Which means I should update it more frequently. Anyway enjoy~

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Dear Journal,

I never felt so free in my entire life.

Cause earlier today, I confronted my father and told him the truth.

Actually, I wish I did. I just told him that I didn't want to be his goddamn stupid crown prince anymore and that I was going to join up with Aang. And all those other guys that hang around him.

Seriously. It's so stressful when you're a prince. Everything you do wrong gets blown out of proportion and everyone treats it like it's a big deal. Like the time when I spilled ink on my pants and everyone thought that I…. you get the point.

And there's nothing good about being a prince either. The girls that swarm at the front doors of the palace aren't that good looking. Mai's only decent at most. And she's so damn depressing. She keeps on talking about how her life sucks, before she met me anyway. And how things are so much better now that I'm her boyfriend.

I don't actually like her that much, to tell you the truth.

Anyway, I bet all those girls only like me because of my scar. Before, I was just a normal thirteen year old boy with issues. Now I'm a sixteen year old teen with more issues. And a scar. That cinches everything. Now, all the young women in the Fire Nation want to get married and have my babies. It freaks me out. It really does. At least Mai isn't like that. So things didn't really get worse when it could have.

And Azula. You know about my sister already. I used up so many bottles of ink ranting about her. How she's better at me than everything. How she's one magnificent bitch. She always gets what she wants, even if it isn't right. She's just that good.

And she gets all the guys in the Fire Nation pounding on her door with engagement rings in their hands. That's another thing I'm jealous about.

Sorta. Since I'm a prince and all, I was told to be very selective with my suitors. I still am to this day, even though I turned my back on my country.

There's only one person I'll ever be content with. You know.

I did promise myself that I'll stop wasting ink about Azula, so I'm changing subjects now. Especially since now that I'm a fugitive, I can't stroll into town and buy more ink bottles. Or a new brush for that matter. This one is getting a bit ratty. I don't mind it too much though. It's the one brush that I used since I began the search for the Avatar. The brush that I used to record every step, every action, every thought, every emotion. And I'm pretty good at writing down all the details. Except I tend to go off on a tangent a lot. Maybe when the war's over, I'll be a poet. A poet's allowed to go off tangents, and they have to pay attention to the details. They're paid to do that. And with that extra money I'll buy more ink to use for rambling in my journal. It's a win-win situation.

I said I have to stomp rambling, didn't I? Well, what happened today was a solar eclipse. No one could Firebend for eight minutes. It doesn't sound like a long time, but it was enough to confess my feelings to my father. I had to use all the time I could get, because he shot lightning at me to shut me up. I knew that he'd do that. I'm lucky that I remembered how to redirect lightning from uncle cause I would've been toast if I hadn't. Literally.

I wonder where Uncle Iroh is now anyway. He broke out of jail, probably out of sheer muscle. I would've liked to see his moment of triumph, when his rippling, powerful muscles took hold of the iron bars and twisted them so they could no longer hold him captive. That must have been some sight.

My father didn't like that I was going to join Aang and his friends. I told him that being his perfect son wasn't the life for me. Like I said before, he was pissed and shot lightning at me.

I wonder what his reaction would've been if I told him I was gay.

I wanted to. I really did. I was going to reveal everything in those eight minutes I had. But I couldn't tell him that part about me. I couldn't. Not yet.

I'll have to build up my courage and try again some other time. If there is another time.

Maybe there's another reason too. I didn't kill him, or even hurt him. I had those goddamn swords and I didn't do anything with them. Why did I have them if I wasn't going to cut someone's head open? Even though I hate the sight of blood. Makes me faint and dizzy. They're good at intimidating people into doing whatever you want though. What I have to use with swords, Azula can do with her tongue. It's depressing.

Anyway, maybe a reason why I didn't tell him that I was gay was because he was going to live. And he was going to spread these nasty rumors about me and I wouldn't have any honor anymore. And what if they got wind of who I really was? I would never be able to face them again. It would be so embarrassing.

You're the only person, well, thing that I'm open with. You can't tell anyone about it, unless someone reads you and finds out that way. That's why I have to keep you in my bag. Sorry. I can't let anyone finding out my secret and ruining my name. I would never have a shot at him otherwise.

The important thing now is figuring out how I'm really going to join Aang and his group. They don't trust me. That's obvious. So they won't accept me, and I can't say anything to defend myself because everything I say will be a lie to them.

I think Appa remembers that I freed him though, in Ba Sing Se. That has to count for something. Maybe I can roll in honey so he can lick me. And anyone licked by a giant sky bison has to be friendly.

And as far as I know, Aang doesn't have a Firebending teacher yet. I could be his teacher. Even though, I'll admit, I still have a lot to learn myself.

Those two reasons should be good enough to at least have them listen to me though. And if I'm Aang's teacher… then it'll be better than I imagined. Everything falls into place. It's perfect.

I have to make some kind of speech to convince them. I think I'll do that right now, so I can get it airtight when I talk to them sometime later.

(Don't mind the ripped page. That's where I wrote my speech, and I tore it out because ripping things help me memorize. Don't ask.)


End file.
